Guest Post: Wedding Clothes
A Kashmir Wedding
When Matt asked me to write a guest post on his blog, I think he said I could write about anything I wanted provided I don’t mention anything about my favorite baseball team, the Chicago Cubs. Oops.
Related to Matt’s recent posts about culture, I’ll just share a story of a cultural learning experience I’ve had while living in Kashmir.
The first time my wife and I were invited to a wedding in Kashmir, I wanted to make sure I wore appropriate clothes for the different days and events of the wedding. I asked a Kashmiri friend who was going to the wedding with me for some tips. He recommended I wear a traditional outfit similar to a men’s salwar kameez, as that’s what he said most of the men will be wearing.
On the first day of the wedding he picks me up to go to the first event of that day, but he’s wearing jeans and a collared shirt. I’m all decked out in traditional garb and suddenly not feeling so confident about it.
When we arrive at the wedding my confidence takes another hit as I quickly see that I am the only man wearing traditional clothes apart from a few older men. Everyone else is in jeans or khakis with collared shirts. No one says anything to me about what I’m wearing, but I’m feeling a little embarrassed and out of place.
A week later I’m at another wedding. This time, I’m dressed like most everyone else. As I’m sitting down with three other men enjoying the Kashmiri wazwan feast, one of the men says to me, “Aren’t you that foreigner who was wearing a salwar kameez at so and so’s wedding last week?” With a mouthful of seekh kabab, I sheepishly mumble yes. The three men share a laugh together while I dig into some more meat.
Fast forward to a little over a year later. I’ve had many more Kashmiri wedding experiences. And now I’m at another one, yet this time I’m wearing a salwar kameez again. But in this case it’s the perfect clothes for the occasion. My wife and I have become like a brother and sister to the bride who is getting married, therefore I am dressed up in an appropriate way for that role. However, I still feel a little nervous due to my last experience. To my great relief everyone loves my suit and I get lots of compliments on how great it looks.
Looking back I can see that the times I’ve made a fool of myself or messed up culturally are often the times I’ve learned the most and made better progress at participating in the culture around me. The next time you’re traveling to a new culture, don’t worry about making a fool of yourself (you actually should expect to), but just be eager to learn from the experience. It will also give you a better story to tell when you get home.
I’ve encountered the exact same problem with events in India and Lebanon. It can be pretty uncomfortable to step outside our comfort zones and wear another culture’s traditional dress.
I’ve always depended on friends to pick out the right clothes for the events, but even if everyone is wearing the salwar kameez I’d still prefer to wear a suit, simply because a suit is “me”. Many will probably disagree, but part of me feels that wearing another culture’s traditional dress is a bit disrespectful to them.
I know that it’s important to be respectful of other cultures and adopt behaviors and dress to fit in, but I find that it’s not and either / or question: all cultures have to make room to accept others’ traditions.
David,
I’m curious as to why your friend suggested you wear traditional clothing while he dressed in Western casual. What was going on there?
David,
I’m curious as to why your friend suggested you wear traditional clothing while he dressed in Western casual. What was going on there?
Taylor: True, sometimes wearing a culture’s traditional clothing can be disrespectful, especially if you’re wearing it incorrectly or in an inappropriate context. But when in the right context I think many cultures appreciate the effort and are pleased by it.
Mark: Good question. Part of what was going on is that my friend was a younger single guy who wasn’t the best cultural informant. I later found other men who were older than me who could do a better job helping me as a foreigner figure out the best clothing for weddings. Some locals just seem to be better at giving outsiders cues on their culture than others.
Hey,
Imma girl and like westren clothing more than cultural…What should be the disadventages?
Hey,
Imma girl and like westren clothing more than cultural…What should be the disadventages?